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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the comfort zone of your Daily, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to find out that an online journalist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity with Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college for toilet purposes during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager after a brief chat within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

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Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|